May 18, 2006

I hate koalas

Koalas are the most pointless species on the planet. However, what really pisses me off is that they have somehow developed a rep for being this cute little animal that we can't do without. I've had this opinion for a while. It started out as kind of a joke but it has turned in to a genuine hatred. Here are the reasons why I started to hate koalas:

1. They only eat one kind of plant, eucalyptus.

2. They are boring. Have you every seen a koala? They don't do ANYTHING.

3. They almost never mate. If you can't reproduce, or aren't interested in
having sex, just die off already.

4. They only live in Australia. I like Australia, but I can't stand the accent. There is something fake about it. This isn't a real reason. And I probably don't really have a problem with the accent, I just encountered a person "from Australia" and their accent sounded fake.

Now, I really didn't hate koalas. It was just something fun to say. That was until recently. A guy on my indoor soccer team (albatross Pie, currently #1 in the standings), Steve Shipsey told me about his experience in the land down under. He just got back from a 3 week visit where he saw a lot of wild life. He had a chance to pet a koala and his experience is what has stoked the fuel to my koala rage.

From his experience, koalas are the most foul tempered, foul smelling creatures he encountered. What is more, he discovered that they are far from the fuzzy, soft little creatures depicted in stuffed animals. There fur is rough and dirty feeling.

I mean, maybe this was just a diseased koala having a bad day, but it pretty much does it for me. Screw koalas.

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